


Persist

by d00dle2013



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: Anxiety, Daisy Centric, Daisy deals with her lack of powers, Panic Attacks, Spoilers for 04x16 and 04x18, framework fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-20
Updated: 2017-04-20
Packaged: 2018-10-21 09:03:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,016
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10682082
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/d00dle2013/pseuds/d00dle2013
Summary: Daisy has trouble with being disconnected from her powers, and who she “is” in the framework.So this time, when she goes through the terrigen mist, she's ready.Nevertheless, she persisted





	Persist

**Author's Note:**

> Content warning: Some intense anxiety, panic attacks

Persist

 

*

It hurts, not having her powers here.

Daisy doesn't feel the soft rumbles of everything around her. She doesn't hear the slow, grating rumble of the earth under her feet, or the minute tremblings of the the particles in the air. She feels so disconnected here, like she isn't in contact with reality, like she's floating just above everything.

The normal, comfortable buzz of the world around her is replaced with the low, uncomfortable buzz of anxiety. It's not a feeling that she is unfamiliar with, growing up the way that she did, but it doesn't make the hurt any less as it claws up into her chest, resting along the left edge of her sternum, just like it does in the real world.  
  
_It's so weird_ , she thinks, _that this version of me still feels the anxiety the same way here, in my apartment, as an agent of **Hydra**. With **Grant Ward**. Nothing should be the same here, but somehow it is_.

Jemma is curled up into Daisy’s side, head resting on a soft white pillow with her forehead pressing into Daisy’s ribs, her knees pushed into Daisy’s calf. The touches are the only thing that’s grounding Daisy to where she's at currently and not letting her floating away into the depths of her despair. Daisy can feel the soft rattles of snores coming from the smaller woman, a rattle that gives her a slight edge of comfort, of familiarity.

Daisy doesn't know how Jemma could even be sleeping in a world like this. A world where Hydra has taken over, and Inhumans are hunted, where Fitz is a colossally horrid person, and Ward is the kind and thoughtful one. Daisy thinks it might be because Jemma was dead this morning, waking up in a shallow grave (which would be preferable to how Daisy woke up in the Framework, with Ward in her bed).

She wonders if Jemma is dreaming, or if she's awake in the real world, or if it's just darkness. She's afraid that Jemma is alone in the dark, curled next to her in the incredibly comfortable bed.

It starts with little shakes in her hands, like it always does, as a belt is tightened around her chest. And suddenly, Daisy has to get away from here, away from the bed that is not hers, away from the apartment that belongs to the person that she is here. Daisy rolls away from Jemma and starts pacing the floor in the bedroom, her arms wrapped around her chest to try and quell the beating of her heart. Jemma barely stirs with the absence.

Daisy knows that she’s having a panic attack, but the knowing isn't helping the panic subside. Her hands are vibrating with tremors that are usually so much louder, and she feels like she just can't get air into her lungs. She needs to get away for a few moments, she needs to get out of this room.

She sits, of all places, in the bathtub as her awareness of the world takes on the shimmery not-real feeling that her mind seems to save for the worst possible times (not that she wasn't feeling like things weren't real already).

Daisy sits in the white tub, trying to focus on her breathing or anything to ground her to where she's at, but she's barely there. She stares off into space as the thoughts zoom by, not slowing enough for Daisy to grasp any of the fleeting thoughts. She tries to ground herself like May taught her, but it doesn't help that her main way of grounding herself doesn't exist in this universe. She can't ground herself if the ground _doesn't exist._

Daisy has no idea how long she's been sitting there, hyperventilating as she stared into the empty space in front of her, when she feels someone grip under her armpits and pull her out of the bathtub and onto the floor. Daisy is pulled tight to someone's chest.

She knows who it is before she hears Jemma’s voice, knows her by the scent that clings to her under the scent of earth. (When did Jemma get this strong?)

“Breathe for me, Daisy, breathe,” Jemma murmurs into Daisy’s hair. She rocks slightly and wraps both arms around Daisy’s chest, trying to help Daisy slow her vitals. She holds her tight against her chest, exaggerating her breathing to guide Daisy into calmer breathing. (They've done this before, many times, as Daisy learned to deal with the things that have happened, and the things that she's had to do).

It take long, drawn out minutes, but eventually Daisy takes her first deep breath. A moment later, she takes another. The thoughts start to slow down and Daisy is able to grasp the things that Jemma murmurs to her.

Daisy has no idea how long they've been like this, curled up in the bathroom of the apartment, but she knows it's been a stretch of time.

Jemma didn't ask what's wrong, nor did she press further, and Daisy appreciates the quiet to allow her brain to adjust to her own calm state.

“Are you ready to get Coulson?” Jemma asked her finally.

Daisy smirks, “Let’s get this show on the road!”

*

Jemma hugs her when she leaves to infiltrate Hydra again.

“Daisy, it's too dangerous.”

“I'll be fine.”

_She was warned._

*

Daisy is in more pain than should be possible in this virtual world. She keeps her arm across her abdomen to hold her most likely broken ribs, and lets her head rest against the wall.

(She refuses to acknowledge that she was just tortured by one of her best friends. By the person who told her that she was different now, and that it was okay.)

The door opens, and part of Daisy’s body screams for it to stop, for her to give in and crank down the snark. But she was trained better than that. She was trained by the best.

“Hello, Daisy,” AIDA (madam Hydra, the devil, whatever) says.

Daisy can't help the sarcasm that rolls out of her mouth. The thing standing in front of her brings all of her anger to the surface. “I asked for a mani-pedi and got tortured instead,” Daisy snarks. She doesn't care what the thing that made Fitz a monster hears, or feels.

“B-T dubs your psycho prison sucks,” she continues, contempt and sarcasm dripping from her words.

“This isn't a prison. All I did was fix one thing in everyone's life, a regret.”

Daisy doesn't buy it. She half listens as AIDA rambles on about fixing regrets, and what Radcliffe intended. (“This isn't what I meant, you sadistic witch!”).

“Radcliffe is clearly still suffering from the errors he made.” The apathy in which AIDA says this with makes Daisy sick to her stomach. A zap of electricity echoes into her cell and Radcliffe screams.  
Daisy sees red. She may not be very fond of Doctor Radcliffe, as he got her into this current predicament, but she doesn't want the man tortured. “If I had my powers…” she spits.

“I can't give you those, but I can give you something else. Something that will make all the pain go away,” AIDA offers, a smirk on her face.

“You have no idea what that even-” Daisy starts, upset.

“Lincoln Campbell.” Daisy heart drops into her stomach. Not him, please don't use him.

“Think of it. You can live a peaceful life, have kids, grow old together with no memory of what's happened here or there, no regrets, just each other.” AIDA seems to think that this is what Daisy wants, a quiet life in this literal hell. Not a chance.

“In exchange for?” She bites back.

“Just tell me where you are in the other world, and I'll bring Lincoln back.” AIDA says, her tone dripping with a sickly sweet attitude.

Ah, it suddenly makes sense. Radcliffe isn't the one that programmed the Framework to be like this. It was AIDA.

“You can do that? 'Cause you're the puppet master, aren't you, pulling all the strings,” Daisy snaps back,

“I'm just giving people what they want. Why is that wrong?”

“Because sometimes what people want isn't right for them,” Daisy says. She knows this well now. She wanted to be alone, with nothing to lose. But that wasn't right for her.

Aida storms out of Daisy’s cell only a moment later, and Daisy is left with the pain.

_She was give an explanation._

*

The door swings open, and Daisy barely has the energy to open her eyes and look to the door. She expects to see Fitz in front of her, back for more torture, or harassment, or something. She isn't expecting Agent May to be at the door.

“What?” She dead pans. It hurts to talk. It hurts to breathe. Her vision sways in front of her.

“Is it true- that you're an Inhuman?” Agent May asks her, keeping an emotionless mask over her features.

Daisy groans as she moves to stand. Her ribs scream, her jaw aches, and her joints creak. But she stands all the same, looking her mentor in the eyes. If this is the mountain she's going to die on, then she's going to do it looking death in the eyes. “Yeah,” she breathes. “Powerful enough to bring this whole damn place down.”

May takes a deep breath and slowly, painstakingly slowly, she reaches into her left sleeve and pulls out a long clear blue crystal. Daisy takes only a fraction of a second to figure out what this crystal is, and then works past the fear that grips her chest. She doesn't want to go through this again.

“I hope so,” May says, and then she smashes the crystal to the ground.

The terrigen mist surrounds her, saturating her nose and mouth with the unforgettable earthy scent of the mist and the wobble of reality that still so often haunts her worst nightmares.

Her heart rate increases sharply as the full gravity of the situation sets in. She's going through the terrigen mist again.

Last time, she didn't know what was coming.

Last time, her transformation caused the death of one close friend, and wounded her relationship with another.

Last time, the mist took things from her, and gave her the fear and started the endless pool of guilt that she still carried.

But this time, this time is different.  
  
Daisy clenches her hands into fists in determination.

This time, when she enters the mist as Skye, she isn't going to emerge from the husk broken and afraid.

This time, she wants it, welcomes it. This time, she's ready accept her gift.

Daisy smirks as the cocoon creeps up to cover her face. Now, it was time to do this her way.

The world falls away for a terrifying second and there's nothing but the rush of blood in her ears and the vibrations of her body changing in the way that she previously so desperately wanted to forget.

The rock crumbles away piece by piece, starting with her fingers. The cocoon chips away, piece by piece, and Daisy feels it again, the slow gyrations of the earth beneath her feet, the vibrating buzz of the air, the muffled beats of the hearts in the room. It gives her a sense of connection to the world that she's still trapped in.

This is what her terrigenesis was always meant to be. Her heart still races at an inhuman speed, her breaths still comes in ragged gasps, and raw power still flows through her veins.

She had forgotten this raw feeling that came right after emerging from the mist, where her body struggled to adjust to the sudden and incredible change that had happened to her (and not to mention that the framework had gotten it so right).

May nods at Daisy, who is looking at her hands, flexing her fingers to loosen up the muscles. “You ready?”

Daisy smiles and lets out a raw blast of power that rattles the door, “Let’s go kick some ass.”

_Nevertheless, she persisted._

 


End file.
